On a More Personal Note...

 Normally I don't share personal things about my kids, but this is something I felt was important. The reason I don't only post about being a mom is because Support with Strength is something everyone deserves, whether you are a parent or not.

This picture was my beautiful view for a short while this morning. I was lucky enough to look up for a moment and see my 5-year-old daughter and my 2-year-old son having a tea party. Now you might be thinking that this is just cute little play time between siblings. And you're right, in part. My daughter is autistic. She doesn't have the social skills of incorporating another into her play. She is learning and doing better with it but these moments of her including and playing with her brother are something that don't come often and make my heart jump. She has come so far in the last year that this view of mine is as if I got to see the Northern Lights for the first time.

Of course, not long after I snapped this, these two were arguing over a toy. But my point in telling you this is 2 things:

-You never know what battles someone is fighting. I've said that before and will continue to say it because it is so important. The small amount of kindness you show someone can mean the world to them. Something as small as friendship, a phone call, sending a little $5 gift, etc. My son was so happy and had the biggest smile because he was just playing with his big sister.

-Take the time to enjoy the little things. My kids actually playing WITH each other is something I made a point to stop what I was doing and quietly enjoy this sight so I didn't interrupt their little bonding moment. Take the time to really stop and absorb the feeling a small piece of beauty as you go about your day. It truly is worth it.

I don't share personal things much just because I'm just not much of a sharer, I guess. But maybe that's something I can change. And maybe, just maybe, sharing might help someone else in their battle. Know you are not alone and have more strength than you give yourself credit for.

Be Unshaken in yourself.

Fake

 You know how most of the time your house is somewhere between a mess and a complete and utter chaotic disaster that has swallowed your sanity? But when you get wind of company coming over or ever the sound of your doorbell unexpectedly, you tidy up as quickly you can so not to let people know what a complete slob you are? Fake.

Now, I'm not pointing this out to single any one person out because we all do this in one form or another. And I'm not just talking about the tidiness of your house.

If you do what you can to cover up the dark circles under your eyes, you might be hiding a stressful night. If you are putting on a smile while holding back tears, you're hiding a damn that is slowly breaking to avoid spilling your burden. If you keep your head down to avoid contact with anyone, you might be trying to hide your pain from the world.

These are all examples of faking it. I really hate that saying, “Fake it 'til you make it.” It's just a cover up of someone's pain who should be working through, not faking it. Someone who needs a hand out of that hole. Why should you need to fake it?

If you are asked to do something but you can't manage find the space in your head or focus on anything but the crumbling pain, then don't. It's perfectly acceptable to say that you are not able to complete a task at that moment. Its ok to ask someone for a moment of their time to help you work through whatever it is that is stuck in your way. If you can't climb out of the hole, I know that someone has been there before and can help you. Don't try to take on a world of problems alone.

We don't know what battles someone is fighting but we know that there is a battle. Bigger or small, your kindness, compassion, and, most importantly, your time can make a huge difference in helping someone win that battle.

Don't “fake it 'til you make it.” Open your mouth and say you need a break, time to repair and care for yourself, and make it happen. Don't keep building that burden until you can't move. Push back and tell a friend you need some wine time or to sit on a tailgate with a beer. Whatever you need, it's ok to say that you need it. Do what it takes to win that battle and know that you don't have to do it alone.

You are stronger than you think, but even the strongest person in the world needs a little help now and then.

It Could Be You

 When I was little, I would visit my grandmother (my Abuelita as I called her) in Peru every other year or so. Driving out there was a bit nuts so we walked everywhere we could or caught public transportation if we needed to go farther. One of the first trips I was old enough to remember, we were walking down the street and my Abuelita pulled her hand away from my father's arm to go help a blind man cross the street. Now this man had lived in the neighborhood for a very long time and my Abuelita always went out of her way to help him cross the street safely whenever and wherever she saw him. He was always grateful and recognized her voice each time, and these gestures of kindness from my Abuelita were the only interactions they had had over many years. After the first time I saw her help him and came back over to continue on to wherever we were going, she said, “He can't see so we see for him.”

My Abuelita's explanation was tied to her strong Catholic faith; There for the Grace of God Go I.

She grew up very poor in a small home that was made with newspapers and mud/clay walls, and with those newspapers she learned to read. She became a teacher and later on her eyesight started to fail and she was almost blind. She was lucky to have been afforded the opportunity to have surgery to regain her sight. It didn't matter where we went, if she saw a blind person, she always went out her way to help them. She almost ended up blind like them, so she always made sure to give back to those who weren't as fortunate to regain their sight.

My Abuelita grew up a poor, hard life but always made room for kindness and giving. We all have people we've learned from by watching their actions and learning the lessons they give, sometimes family and sometimes friends. We have to learn from the mistakes and journeys of others to make sure we don't make the same mistakes ourselves. We make our own mistakes to teach our own lessons as well as pass on the lessons we've learned from those before us.

You never know when something unfortunate could happen or to whom. An act of kindness can cause an amazing ripple effect that we don't know the ending or the impact it makes.

Remember, it costs you nothing to be kind and is worth so much more.

Be Unshaken in your ability to make someone smile today and every day.

Keyboard Virus

 Being in the age of being followed everywhere by social media, we've all had our encounters with keyboard warriors. As annoying and sometimes disgusting as it is, these people feel so confident in saying things that they would never say face to face. And most of the time we allow it by just ignoring it and following the advice of “Just Keep Scrolling.” And sometimes that just doesn't happen.

Now I am not one to confront people on social media and always just scroll past something I don't agree with or a person's rude comment to something they didn't agree with. There is a difference between stating an opposing opinion and just being flat out rude and mean to someone because you dislike or don't agree. Those that know me know that I love my friends and family and will not keep my mouth shut when someone is being a jerk, in person or online.

This online event happened a while back in a social media group for my local area:

So, I have a neighbor whose dogs are escape artists and are consistently getting out. Actually met this neighbor because one of their pups was in my driveway when I got home from taking my daughter to school one day. Keep in mind that I can see their fence from my house where the dogs escape and can say that they have be working on their fence to keep their dogs in their yard and care very much for them. But these little fury kids still manage to escape and people on the local social media group post where they've seen them or if they were able to hold them in a yard for the owners to pick up. One particular time after a person posted about spotting the pups on a road, another neighbor decided to make an unnecessary and rude comment. In so many words she said, “You obviously don't care about these dogs. You don't deserve them or the amount of care you receive from others who find them.”

Yes, I did remain respectful while calling out her rudeness.

Mind you, I had only met this neighbor once and her sweet pups a few times, and while I agree that when dogs are getting out a lot it does get a little annoying. I would probably have an issue and talked with the owner if the pups were mean and destructive but that's not the case. And, like I said, I had seen how these owners had been working to keep their dogs in their yard.

The point in me telling this story is to show how complacent we've become in allowing these keyboard warriors to continue and spread their trash. You can still be respectful and not stoop to their level of filth and call them out on their crap. They feel the need to have an audience to be rude and show the cyber community how big and bad they are. Then use that audience and flip the script to expose them.

Stop allowing venom and just all out crap to spread like wildfire throughout social media. That crap they're spreading is a virus, and we need to stop it. Speak out and expose it and you will be surprised by how many feel the same and will speak up in your support. Most people just want to enjoy social media and I get that, but by calling out the trash we push them back to their hole. I have seen many debates on social media between people who are on completely opposite sides of an issue but they never resort to belittling or demeaning each other. And they unite to call out any asshole who tries to bring in trash.

Be confident and your ability to silence the bored ones seeking virtual validation. Be unshaken in your strength.

Why Should You Care

 People are always going to voice an opinion about every aspect of your life. It's an unfortunate fact. The way you cut and color (or don't color) your hair, the way you cook, how old your clothes are, how you design your home, etc. Unfortunately, everything in your life that is visible on social media or that you tell someone is out there for the world to scrutinize. It doesn't even matter if what you said was taken out of context. The fact is that when anything regarding your life leaves your lips or is shared online, it becomes public knowledge and there isn't a damn thing you can do about.

Now, I know that when someone says something we don't like, it stings a bit. And then we feel that hot wave of anger or heavy feeling of sadness build up. But why do we let people's opinions affect us in such a big way? Why do we allow their words to carry so much weight? Yes, some people play more important roles in our lives (spouses, parents, best friends) so their opinions will have more meaning. So what?

We choose which opinions affect us. We control if we ignore, yell, cry, or shrug our shoulders. Even if the words surprise you or make you so mad that you can't see straight, why should you care what someone said? Why would you give that person the power to choose what YOU feel? Honestly it doesn't matter who's mouth the statement comes out of, you control how something affects you. If I just bought a pair of goalkeeper gloves that I am absolutely in love with, and Kasey Keller (my idol) looked at them and said, “Why did you buy those? Those are ridiculous.” All due respect to Kasey Keller, but I don't care. I made the decision and am confident in my decision so why should I allow someone's words to affect how I feel.

You were confident in yourself to act on a decision. You used the strength in your character to say what you said. Don't back down and cower away just because someone had something to say; good, bad or indifferent. Use your confidence and strength to stand up and keep moving forward. Other people shouldn't have the power to choose your emotions, so don't give it away. Be in control of your life. Be unshaken in your confidence and strength.

Why I Don't Celebrate Mother's Day

 I know I must be a bit odd for not seeing the importance of Mother's Day (or Father's Day for that matter) but it's just so materialistic. I see complaints all over social media about mothers not receiving gifts or flowers on their special Mother's Day. Or they're upset that a few days before their spouse decided to make plans with friends instead of planning something special for them on their special day. Or (the coup de gras) they didn't think the gift they received was good enough.

So why do I not hold stock in Mother's Day?

Seriously people?! You need another birthday or Christmas?! Why is it important to be “shown” that you are appreciated as a mother ONE DAY out of the year??

Now please understand that I do think mothers and fathers are extremely important. As I've said before, as a parent no one can do what you do for your child. Sure, someone else can kiss the boo boo on their knee after they fall off their bike but it's not going to be the same and your child will still seek out your kiss to make it better.

Think about it for a second. How many times a day do we yell at our kids or spouses to clean up after themselves, eat all their dinner, or hound them to finish their work? And of course they eventually do it (begrudgingly) and the world that is your household keeps spinning. But then when they get that A on their report card, rave about what you made for dinner, or clean the dishes and the kitchen, you smile and feel the warmth in your heart. That is the appreciation that matters. You know you're doing a good job as a parent when your family doesn't want for anything, your kids run to tell you something exciting or even sad, and best of all is that your family likes to hang out with you sometimes.

In all seriousness, if you really feel the need to have your existence as a mother acknowledged on top of being celebrated on your birthday and thought of for a gift on Christmas, then it's time for some self-reflection. I don't know about you, but I really don't want my kids feeling forced to help me in the kitchen or spend time with me just because it's Mother's Day and they have to act as if they like me. Is it fair for someone who has abusive and neglectful parents to “appreciate” them with gifts and adornment on Mother's or Father's Day?

Now I know that my family loves and appreciates me. Break away from the hold these unimportant plastic and metal things have on you and focus on the ones who matter. 50 years from now, laying back, knowing that my kids grew up to be functioning adults in society with a good head on their shoulders and strength and love in their hearts sounds like pretty good appreciation to me.

You cannot be replaced. Be confident in yourself as a parent and know that you are worth more than something purchased. Be unshaken in your self worth.

Alone

 If you are not a stay-at-home parent, then you probably don't understand feeling alone while simultaneously being used as a jungle gym. It's really nothing against our spouses, or the fact that we don't want to spend time with them, we just would like some kid free time. Time spent not discussing dinner menus for the next week, chores that need to be done or adding face wash to the grocery list. It is important to make time that is all about us or even a conversation that doesn't revolve around kids. Having the free time that doesn't include waiting for one of the kids to start crying or asking for a snack is really priceless.

Every couple of weeks or so I schedule the sitter to come over and find a local bar that might not be too crowded so my husband and I can play some pool and have a couple beers. Or I'm lucky enough to have a friend who comes over with her husband and they are willing to hang out and include my kids for a while, and then hang out when my kids go to bed. Some couples do the date night thing every week! That's awesome if you can make that happen, or even enjoying going out that much. Whatever works for you, make the time to do it. Make the kid free time for you.

But honestly, just being able to video chat with a girlfriend to see a loving and familiar face or chat on the phone for a minute while a friend is driving home from work makes all the difference in the world. I've heard from a lot of mothers, stay at home and working, that they lost the majority of their friends when they had kids. It's sad that some people we held close to our hearts for so long left us behind because our lifestyle changed. But the new friends we make, who might be moms as well, get the package deal of us and our kids and they love our kids too. They like spending time with just you and also time with your kids. Those are the ones we call family.

Make the time for the ones in your life that might feel alone. And be bold to introduce yourself to a new friend and maybe expand your family. Be unshaken in your importance.

Mom Shaming

 It's a bit ridiculous to think that people find the only way to pick themselves up is to drag others down. I thought bullying was just something kids go through because they hadn't learned yet, I never thought it was something that happened in adulthood let alone within the sisterhood of mothers. Now, I am aware that as adults we will have the occasional jackass who will throw anyone under the bus to make themselves look better to their boss or a person they want to impress. And the wonderful thing about adulthood is that we can cut out all of the toxic people in our lives, and if its someone we have to deal with, for example a coworker or family member, we have learned how to deal with them just enough to not lose our minds.

But the most shocking thing to me was the mom shaming that revealed itself after I had my daughter. After she was born, everyone felt it was their job to form an opinion about her looks, the clothes I dressed her in, toys I bought for her, her development, and so on. For some reason, I'm really not quite sure, moms feel there is a competition to see who will win the gold as the "World Best Mom." Some have realized it, but sadly most haven't, we're really just trying to keep our tiny humans alive (not raise little assholes) while not losing sight of ourselves. Every now and then it's nice to have a sister, another mom, to chat with about the joys and vent to about the daily shit that we go through and maybe bounce an idea or two off of each other.

I hate to break it to you, but no one really cares whether or not you approve of another's parenting style. Honestly, if it bothers you that much, make a call to CPS because that's their job, otherwise shut it. Strong women are going to tell you to shove your opinion where the sun don't shine because we are in charge of our own lives and the rulers of our own homes.

As mothers we tend to question our parenting skills, but I'm here to tell you that your kids love you for you. No one can do what you do for your kids on a daily basis. There is not another person who can make your kids feel the way you do. If you question yourself, just look at them and see the love they have for you and you'll know that you're doing a pretty good job. Don't worry, we all learn one cry at a time.

Be unafraid to make a mistake because there is a lesson in it. Be unshaken in your parenting.

We're All Human

 Ok so today is a rough one. Today is one of those days I would love to hide in bed and binge watch something all day and not do everything for everyone all day. Today my fuse is very short and I feel bad that I have to fake that smile so my kids and husband are none the wiser.

But its ok because I'm human. We all have days that we have just hit the limit and need to step back and take a breath. Its ok to not be ok every second of everyday. It ok to have a day to breath. Sit outside in the sun and soak up the vitamin D, zone out on a mindless movie or get lost in a good book instead of doing laundry or cleaning the bathroom. Trust me, all those chores will still be there tomorrow. Our loved ones need us to be whole and to do that we need to take a minute to breath.

And the most important thing to remember is that every parent feels this way at one point or another. The secret wish that they could just runaway and not have children yelling at them all day. So instead of feeling shame for not being one hundred percent upbeat and perky, accept that this is the day you need to breath because tomorrow is a new day to be present. Every one of those “perfect parents” up there on their soap boxes have their hard days too, even though they hide it and pretend they don't. The reason they judge and shame you about you having a hard day is to divert attention from their own.

Forgive yourself for needing to step back. Breath. Take the anxiety and stress, feel it, then cry it out, breath it out with yoga, run it out, whatever you need to do. Get it out. Don't let it set up shop inside of you because it doesn't belong there. You are stronger than that. If you have trouble seeing your strength, reach out to a loved one because they know how strong you are.

Be like a frog jumping out of water; it feels the water then lets it roll right off. Be unshaken in your strength.